So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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