ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She told me I should be a condom model.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
