I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
