Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I am spending my child support on dildos
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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