i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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