Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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