She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
