someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
