JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
