in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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