Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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