he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
