I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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