I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
