You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
