So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
