and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
