I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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