I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I love you.
Bad choice
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
