Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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