Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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