We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
When are your genitals available?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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