I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
