i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just found puke in my bra..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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