the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
