haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just want to make out with him forever
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
