Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
