You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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