It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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