The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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