I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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