he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Ketchup is God's man juice
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
