What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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