dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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