I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
