no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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