You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
