you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize