Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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