Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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