I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
