Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
