if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
