i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
