does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
