i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
