So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
