I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
