I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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