wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize