if i can run in heels then i can drive
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize