what day is it and did you see me today?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
