Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
