is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
