they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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