I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
