1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
