It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
