I love black thongs
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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