carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
