They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
