is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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