Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
