I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize